Fat Ninja

Last evening I ventured onto Live for the first time in a while. I figured I’d check out the CoD2 patch and play a few games. On that subject, just a quick note to say that I think CoD2 is effing awesome online. I love it. But I digress. So, I hop into the first Ranked Match that comes my way.We’ve got a full room, and this guy, SHOT U DOWN, says, “Hey, Mercutio! Hey!”I reply, “Yeah? What’s up?” I’m expecting to be engaged in an intelligent discourse. Of course I should know better. This is, after all, the idiot’s paradise that is Xbox Live.

He says, “I bet you’re gonna be on the American side, you faggot. You fucking faggot. You suck, you fucking faggot. I’m gonna kill you, faggot. Quoting Shakespeare…you’re a faggot!”

Noting a trend in this diatribe, I say, “I can tell your IQ’s in the low two-digits,” just before the game launches.

The match starts and I’m ready to destroy this fucking cretin, but he drops from the server right away. My team goes on to win the match.I play a few more rooms, switching up game modes, but I never run into this imbecile. Then, on my last game of Capture the Flag, we’re waiting to launch. And guess who comes along? You guessed it, SHOT U DOWN.

I welcome him, saying, “Oh! Look! It’s the scholar!” just as we launch. The match begins and I immediately run into this shitheap of a man, dropping him like the sack that he is. This is the first kill in what soon becomes my utter trouncing of SHOT U DOWN. It seems like every corner this guy comes around finds me and my M1A1 Garand waiting to say hello to his face.Apparently he has a low threshold for punishment. It seems the poetic justice of the following message repeatedly popping up on his HUD:

M3RCUTIO SHOT U DOWN

is just too much for this homophobic, small-membered Nazi wanna-be to take. After a near dozen brutal deaths at the hands of this “fucking…Shakespeare-quoting…faggot”, he quickly packs it in, dropping from the server to find easier fodder for his limited repretoire of insults and his even more stunted skills. The intellects win again.

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