Fat Ninja

I wish the movie was as cool as this picture

I had high hopes for the final chapter in the X-Men film franchise. There were a lot of things that I wanted it to be, but most of all, I wanted it to be a worthy successor to what has thus far been a very capable and relatively faithful handling of the transition from comic book series to genuine Hollywood blockbuster. Unfortunately, X-Men: The Last Stand really only served as a convincing closing argument for those who feel that mining the comic book industry for box-office profits is a bad idea.

I know firsthand that this film has been a divisive issue, spawning countless heated, albeit utterly pointless debates. Some of my friends loved it for what it was. Others, like myself, hated it for everything it wasn’t. If you’re of the former, I recommend you go here for the review you’re looking for. If you’re with me, or a particularly indulgent reader, then allow me to elaborate upon my opinion.

This picture, like much of X-Men III, is cheesy

First off, to say that I am steeped in the lore of the X-Men universe would be giving me far too much credit. I do not lay claim to having a firm understanding of the Phoenix Saga of comic book pages. As such, my contentions are not those of a jaded fan who is disenfranchised by the lack of adherence to the source material on the part of the film. I am not one of those sorts. I realize that movies are made to reap profits, and profits cannot very well be reaped by catering to one sole demographic. Therefore, certain liberties must be taken in the interest of mass appeal.It was these very necessities that made the first and second X-Men movies so impressive. All of the right sacrifices were made in the interest of the greater good, and I was particularly pleased with director Bryan Singer’s ability to sort of ground this corner of the expansive Marvel universe with some iota of realism. X-Men United only built on the success of its predecessor, and it seemed that the franchise had become its own Juggernaut. But when Singer dropped out to helm Superman Returns, I got the terrible feeling that the series had begun to stumble.My hopes to the contrary were soon bolstered by teaser trailers. Scenes involving Wolverine dismembering a foe and others hinting at an epic mutant-power fuelled battle between good and evil dispelled my fears. Thus, it was with high expectations that I walked into Regal Cinemas on opening night. And it was with a bewildered sense of emptiness and disappointment that I walked out. So complete was the let-down that it wasn’t until the next day that my true feelings began to manifest themselves.

I could go to great lengths to fully explain my opinion of X-Men III, but I will do my best to focus on those things that disappointed me the most. Please be aware that spoilers will follow. If you choose not to proceed, go away knowing that XMen III was, in every way, an empty thrill ride that, in my opinion, tore down everything that Bryan Singer managed to carefully build with the first two films.

Darker hair and a crimson trenchcoat do not a Phoenix make

For those of you that are still with me, I assume you have seen X-Men III; therefore, I won’t waste time on exhaustive description. First off, I think X-Men III went too far in its efforts to make itself a finale. The wholesale slaughter of prominent characters does not necessarily provide the closure that the screenwriters obviously intended. I know the argument will be made that scenes that follow the credits suggest that Professor X lives on in another form, but if you ask me this move isn’t so much an attempt to placate purists, but rather a kind of failsafe device that enables 20th Century Fox to revisit the franchise should further profits be in need of raking in. It also makes it easier to get out of having to re-contract Patrick Stewart, who, after this final episode, would most likely prefer to distance himself from the franchise.My second bone of contention is that X-Men III is an absolute bottleneck of story arcs, bringing together far too many threads and too large a cast to fit comfortably into its 104-minute run time. In the end, I found myself unable to attach any genuine interest to any character in particular, simply for the fact that there was no time to linger on any of them. This afforded me little time to make any kind of emotional connection with any of the characters because there was no room for the director or screenwriters to invest in character establishment. The only characters I could even come close to identifying with were the returning characters, like Wolverine, Magneto, etc; but even that connection wasn’t found in X-Men III, but rather carried over from my previous encounters with them in the earlier films.It also appears that the director and screenwriters were all too aware of the utter lack of substance found in this final chapter. In an effort to overcome the shallow nature of its character portraits, X-Men III attempts to inundate its audience in a flood of pyrotechnics,glossy CGI, and apocalyptic carnage. For some, this may have been enough to make up for the movie’s many deficiencies, but for me, it was all just too over the top and unbalanced. Everything about it was purely shock and awe; almost a wagging of the dog; an ornate and impressively orchestrated distraction to disguise the slight of hand that 20th Century Fox used to make my $8.50 disappear.

Me in the parking lot after X-Men III

FINAL THOUGHTSIn closing, I’ll just say that I found myself altogether unimpressed with X-Men III. I attribute this in part to Bryan Singer’s betrayal of his audience. The shift in directors certainly broke the continuity of the films, and the difference in vision and realization could not be more stark. What began as a fairly dramatic and well executed interpretation of one of the most beloved comic series out there has, with the closing chapter, mutated into a grostequely misshapen mass of too many ideas, too many characters, and too many confrontations that strive to be more epic than they really are. I’d say it’s worth, at the most, a matinee ticket; and at the least, worth catching at the dollar show.

Overall Rating: Matinee Worthy

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