Fat Ninja

I was far from surprised when trailers for Underworld: Evolution started surfacing. Kate Beckinsale’s voice-over as the werewolf-slaughtering vampire  at the close of the first film was obviously penned by a screenwriter/director who had every intention of stretching his vision into a film saga. I was, however, quite excited about seeing the follow-up to 2003’s Underworld. The concept behind the film was certainly viable enough to sustain at least one, if not two sequels; and I was curious to see what direction they would take us in.

Now, if I’ve learned one thing in my time as a gamer, it’s that hype and expectations will seldom find a common ground with what’s delivered. Sometimes we’re pleasantly surprised with the product’s departure from our expectations, but more often than not the experience is anti-climactic; leaving us in this strange state of bewildered disappointment.

I think that best describes my emotions when I walked out of Underworld: Evolution. To start with, I was rather annoyed by the fact that the first 10 minutes of the film were spent playing an abridged version of the original Underworld. At $6.50 for a matinée and a run-time of 105 minutes, I spent $0.60 to see a recap of a  movie that I paid $16.99 to own on DVD. This alone does not make me happy.

Couple that with the fact that as a huge fan of the original I am offended by the director’s belief that he needs to “bring me up to speed” on what’s going on in the series. And don’t give me that nonsense about keeping the uninitiated in the loop. If you went to this movie without having seen the first one, you should be charged an additional $0.60 and have to show up 10-minutes early for a brief tutorial that I, as a fan, shouldn’t have to endure.

Personally, I felt a certain ambivalence about the whole affair about 30-minutes in. I wasn’t at all intellectually invested in the plot of the brothers Corvinus and their ancient ties to the vampires and lycans (i.e. werewolves) that did battle in the first film.

What I find most odd is that Underworld closed on a somewhat optimistic note, hinting at a possible peace between the lycans and vampires. I had visions of a new world order in which the two races lived in peace and, perhaps, had to join forces to face a new foe of some sort. That was the Underworld sequel I was expecting. Instead, all I really got was a rehash of the first film.

The Evolution in the title obviously doesn’t refer to any kind of real departure from its predecessor. Were I to consider the differences between the two films as an evolution, it would be to say that the sequel is a visiting on the species 50 years into a 2,000 year evolutionary cycle.

It’s not for lack of trying though. Underworld: Evolution really does try to expand on its own microcosm. It strives to create a lore and history upon which the social hierarchy between vampire and lycan is based. Unfortunately, these efforts generate more questions than they really answer, and in the end it tries too hard to make this fantastical world more real to me. I liked the first one because it never prodded me to wonder how such a world could exist. It simply was, and that was enough.

I know it sounds like I’m embellishing things a bit here, and you’re right. I am being a tad melodramatic about the condensing of the first film, but I assure you that at the heart of it you will find some very genuine disgust. As for the rest of the movie, it was what many film critics (myself incluced) will, in lavish beat-around-the-bush fashion, refer to as okay.

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