Fat Ninja

Normally, I’d spend my Saturday at work, but after waking up at 2:30 AM and not being able to sleep on account of feeling like someone stabbed me in my lower right abdomen, a day at the office was not in the cards. Laura took me to the ER at about 6:15 AM, fearing appendicitis. They got me in and did some blood and urine work.

While waiting for results they put me on some crazy pain killer (Eriq has correctly suggested it was demerol). When she administered it via my IV, she was like, “This is gonna make you feel ‘heavy’.” Well, that wasn’t what I would call the clearest description of the sensation. It actually felt like my fucking heart stopped. It didn’t, mind you. That’s just the only way that I can describe it. Now, I’ve had a colorful youth, and I agree with Jim Morisson when he said, “Drugs are a bet you make with your mind.” But nothing prepared me for this shit. The nurse said, “That’s the ‘rush’ that junkies go for.” I said, “Well, that doesn’t seem like a whole lotta fun.” Once I got past the initial effects of the medication, it was pretty nice though.

After that they carted me off for XRays. Then the doc said that he was ruling out appendicitis, since I didn’t have a fever and my white blood cell counts were good. He said they found trace amounts of blood in my urine (sorry to gross you out), so he was thinking I might have a kidney stone. I immediately thought, “Fuck. Why couldn’t it be appendicitis?” So, they rushed me off for a CT scan. By this time my meds were wearing off, but I wasn’t gonna mess with the demerol again, despite the nurse’s reassurances that the initial effects wouldn’t be as potent on a second dose. They gave me something a little milder and that took the edge off.

The CT scans came back. I didn’t have a kidney stone. Instead I had an incredibly rare condition (rare in adults, that is) called mesenteric adenitis which is an inflammation of the mesenteric lymph nodes in the abdomen. Apparently, if it occurs in the right lower quadrant, it can be mistaken for acute appendicitis. Unfortunately, since it was related to a viral infection, there wasn’t much they could do for me beyond prescribing me some vicodin, telling me to monitor my condition, and sending me on my way.

After that I got home and passed out for about four or five hours. The condition has since improved. Now it just feels like somebody sucker punched me in the gut, which is better than feeling like I just got stabbed.

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